Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
