i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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