Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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