I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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