If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
