Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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