Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
