I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
