i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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