your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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