this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
