Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
