i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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