How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
