Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
