it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
