I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
this hospital has no fireball
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
