I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
