I didn't shave. On purpose
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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