I wish you could order shots online.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
