I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
