You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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