At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
