Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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