threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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