meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
