Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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