I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize