Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
