Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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