Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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