I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
