this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
