what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
ttyl tear gas
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
