loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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