Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
