So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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