Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
