when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
