Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
