i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
