how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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