90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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