He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
