I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
