did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
