Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
