So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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