Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
