So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
