You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
