at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize