Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
