So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
