i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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