I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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