Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
