The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
