Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
