dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
