I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
only you would photoshop your dick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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