I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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