Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
