whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
