yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
